Saturday, July 31, 2010

Love is an act of endless forgiveness

Nobody

Posted by ♥ Jolynn at: 8:24 PM

Why do I feel like crying now?

I Love you very much...

6:46 am. Thursday
School in a few minutes time. I'm not in a very good mood now. I hope I don't cry later on in school. But I know I'll definitely will. Sigh, I wish I can just put down everything, you and move on. But it gets so hard to walk away.

7:56 pm, Wednesday
I hate those tears too, but what can I do?
I Love you, but do you really do?
I want to be with you, but do you want to? Is there any chance?

I wish I can control my emotions.
One moment I feel alright,
but the next moment I feel like crying.
The feeling in my heart is so unbearable.
I wish I can forget all these, the pain, everything.
I wish I can just sleep and not wake up.
I hate this life now.
I still cant accept the fact that you'r gone.
Its so sudden. You left without having said everything clear.
So many things I'm still having doubt with.
You only thought for yourself, you never spare a thought for me.
I know you are strong now.
I just hope all these doesn change, you won't just erase me from your life.
I hope when tomorrow comes, everything will still be the same.
I know no matter how much I said, ask you not to leave, you still will.
You seems so unaffected, everything seems alright to you.
Do you still care for me?
Do you still love me?
I hope you still do.

I will take good care of the plant, don't worry.

I thought I can be strong, I tried thinking positively, but really, I can't. Those tears won't stop falling. I can't stop thinking about you. I need you so badly. 8 months, it may not be long, neither is it short but we went through so much these 8 months, we did so many things, so many memories. I'm so used having you by my side, caring for me, loving me. How can you just say leave, and leave like that? Have you thought about me? I don't want to end this, I really don't. Why must you make this decision? There's so many, and better solutions. What makes you think ending this will make you focus better? What's the main reason for all these can you tell me? You said you'r distracted because you always think of me during lessons time. But after ending, does that mke you stop thinking of me? If you love me, and you end these, won't you be sad, and think of me more and make it more difficult for you to focus? Really, I don't want us to end. How can you just end like that. You once told me you want to be with me, you can't live without me then what are all these now? I know, studies important, I want you to pass and do well too but i'm sure theres a solution whereby we both can come to an agreement with. I love you very much baby and I can't go on without you. What am I gonna do in school now? I hope we wont be strangers, I hope we can still be like how we used to be. Can I ask a favour from you? Can you still take the bus with me in the morning? Can you acc me out to the shop/block opp our sch during our break? Can you send me home after school? Can you come home with me during every Friday's break? Can you call me/sms me whenever you can? Can you go out with me if you can? I hope all these doesn change and we can still be how we use to be. I've something I really want to tell you. Please do call me once you read this/fb. I love you very much.

Burnt my arm due to the hot pot.
Damn painful now and there's even a swollen red wound.
Told you about it and you dont even care.
So many papers to be completed today yet so little time.
&You, I'm really very sad. I wanted to surprise you just now with
a little gift by lying to you its gone
but why were you like that just now?
What's wrong with you now?
I know, you won't tell me everything, all your problems.
Am I really important to you?
I feel like I'm just a burden to you now.
Sigh, bye.

"and maybe money can buy love someday"

So you think I meant it when I posted that on your blog?
You think all I want out of you is money, gifts and nothing else?
Don't make it seem like as though I love you because of your money.
So you think right now I don't love you, unless you buy me something?
Seriously, I've nothing to say to you.
Why you delected that post, I don't know why either.
Nevermind, like I said, I'm just nothing to you now.
You yourself know it very clearly.
It seems like what I bought and did for you just now
have to go on a waste into the bin.
I've nothing more to say to you.

I dont know why, but you treat me so unimportant now.
It seems like I don't mean anything to you now.
Thats how I feel.

Forget it. Do whatever you want from now. I give up, that's what you want isn't it. Ignore me all you want, don't contact me all you want. You'r free to do whatever you want from now on. You want a break up, just let me know. No, you don't have to let me know because I totally get it now. Don't have to say so much shit just to indirectly convey that across to me. My love is fading, I'm angry? So be it say whatever you want. Because what I want to say totally useless. Say all you want think all you want alright. I shan't care shan't bother anymore. What's the point, do you know how I feel, not at all. I didn't mean any sarcasm at all. Stop trying to put words into my mouth. Go find someone who can make you happy, I give up. All the best to you in life. Don't contact me, don't even give a shit about me for this 2 days I feel like a fool hogging on the phone waiting for your call. But it's okay, I won't be doing that anymore. I'm just a stranger nobody to you ain't it?

It's bloody 6:42am damn sch damn everything. I wonder how long I ...... f

Your actions, those words and sentences that you said, I totally get it. Don't have to ignore me treat me this way because what you'r trying to tell me, totally get across to me. Nevermind if you feel this way, your feelings feel this way. Not your fault. I brought upon myself ya? I hope you'll find someone better than me, someone who won't make you feel so shit like I did to you. Someone who will make you happy. Apparently, I dont, and I cant. Being with me only brings you pain and sadness, not joy and happiness. May you find someone who can give this 2 to you, which I failed to give it to you. Life will be better now for you, just like how your life was before November, so happy, so carefree, no pain, no sadness, no anger no tears. You'll be happier, without me. Everything you said, I'm a burden to you am I? Nevermind, what you said's totally true. I don't change, I always hurt you, give you pain. No point arguing with what you said, fighting for my rights, just take it that whatever you said its true and I accept it. I know you break free from all these but just don't know how to say those words to me. But fret not, I totally get it now. You'r a good guy, you'll deserve someone better, not me. A happier and greater life ahead of you from now, take care.
so what if there's love. It doesn mean a thing to you anymore.
You'r slowly pushing me towards the other direction...

With love,
Jolynn

Journey to school alone tomorrow again.
Definitely you won't be boarding the same bus as me.
You'll for sure come late on purpose.
Standard, no change.
Like a pattern.
You can whole day/for days not contact me.
How you did that? How nice of you.
Whats the point of saying so much here?
End up I'm gonna get blamed for everything.
Your post, I've really got nothing to say.
Nevermind, if thats what you want you can tell me
dont have to indirectly convey your message and
feelings to me through those words and sentences.
Oh, today's the 5th. What a bad day.

Can comment on girls status, reply them like their status but can't reply when I talk to you thru fb? Wtf? Knn ccb. Ignore me first then now give me 3 written papers? Crazy or what? Don't even know what the fcuk you want now. Why the fuck you ignore all of a sudden I don't even fcuking know. Treat me like one fcuking transparent. Even if got public phone don't even fcuking bother to call contact me. This time how long you plan not to contact me? Ignore me then now give me some letters. Should I be happy? Not at all. Tmd ccb knn fcuking du lan. Oh, and I thought someone said can't bring himself to get mad at me then WTF is this WTF is ytd? Knn love me love my shit la can't even fcuking feel a tiny love from you. Ccb