The hardest mile i ever had to walk was the one away from you.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Love is an act of endless forgiveness

You are wrong. I wasnt angry yesterday but upset as you made me see something clearly. I know things have changed and are no longer the same. Who are your priorities now and who's no longer your number one anymore. I know I should'nt be wanting you to spend your time with me whenever you can, I shouldnt be hoping that. Friends are more important than me now, I know. I mean who am I of yours to have you making me your number one isnt it? I'm not even your girlfriend. I know I am so ridiculars. I cant stand myself at times too for frequently having those mindset when I know it will never happen. Hoping them only brings more sadness to me since it will never happen. On the outside, we seems like we are really close but deep in our heart, the distance has been getting wider and wider. Its not like as though even if we aint together now you still love me. The thing is we are not together and you don't love me too. In your eyes I am just a normal friend of yours am I right. Admit it, your feelings are no longer there. You just treat me as a normal friend. Right now, its just a one sided feeling. So what if I love you? No matter how much I do now things wont improve, things wont change and will continue to stay this way. Your treatment towards me aint gonna change either. You'r just slowly pushing me away. I know I shouldnt be clinging on to you when you dont even feel the same way as I do. I just behaving like total slut. You dont even want to sit with me in the bus anymore what more can I say? The only time we can to be together is in the morning to school but you wont even let that to happen, what else can I do and say? So what if I want to spend more time with you go to school with you, out with you during our lunch break and home together with you? Everyday I would be asking myself in the morning, "will he board the bus today?" and when school dismiss, " is he going to go opp the sch with me or his friends?
" I am ridiculars for having those mindset aint I course you dont even think the same way as I do. Whenever I want to wait for you after school to go home together you would ask me to go home first. I just want to have more time with you just the 2 of us, am i being too much to ask for this? At home, I would always have the phone beside me waiting for your call when I know you wont, again I am ridiculars for thinking that. I am no longer yours, your girlfriend, why should you even bother doing so much, spend time with me? I love you, what about you? Why are you treating me this way? One moment you'r so nice so close with me and the next moment you just ignore me and cut off any contact with me.

&again I am so ridiculars today. I have no rights to feel upset and angry when I saw that sight the moment I stepped into the hall. He's not mine, he can do whatever he want I'm in no position to interfere his matter, control him. You've no lesson, I was hoping so much you would come to my house but of course you chose your friends. Since this Friday we can spend some time together after sch I was hoping at least today we could, but I was so wrong. Why am I always so ridiculars to think all these? Why do I cry while on the way home? Why do I cry when I'm in my room? Why do I cry every night before I sleep? Why am I even crying now? Ridiculars.

So what after I've said all these? I still can't help but continue having those thoughts. I still hope we would get back together. I still hope every morning you would take the bus sit beside me, go with me opp the school every lunch break, home with me together after school, calling me whenever you can, spend your time with me whenever you have the time, go to my house, i'm still the one you care for and love. I feel so miserable. I hate my life now.

Posted by ♥ Jolynn at: 3:23 PM