The hardest mile i ever had to walk was the one away from you.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Love is an act of endless forgiveness

You never fail to push me away every single day. Ask yourself, do you really love me? Do you really care for me? Do I really mean something to you? Because all your actions simply makes me feel unloved, uncared and unimportant. Because if you really do, you won't be doing all these things, hurting me so bad. Why do you love to mention about the past? Am I treating you that way now? No. Didnt I already change? What else do you want me to do? so what if I've changed, the way you treat me is still the same, things didn improve at all. So what if I love you so much? I cant even get that bit of love from you. If I send you text saying I love you, will you reply me with a I love you too? No you simpy ignored it and mention some other things. That's what I mean, I simply don't feel any love from you. Even if we were to take the bus together in the morning, go home together, go to the shops after school I don't feel your feelings at all despite doing all these with me. Only for that moment, I feel alittle love but when we are apart, I dont feel it at all. You don't do things to make me feel loved by you, that you cared for me. What you'r making me see right now is that your friends are so much more important and that you rather spend time with them than me and just leave me there alone. I feel like I'm just nothing to you. Why do I get so moody easily? Have you asked yourself? I want to spend my time with you but all you did is to ask me to go home myself while you'r in school with friend or when I asked you to do something, you would just say nevermind. Do you know how I feel? Why am I rushing things ask yourself. Simply because I'm so afraid one moment we are fine and the next moment everything change, you ignore me. Ju and can just easily leave because we aint together, just like what exactly happened during July. Everyday without fail I fear that things would change and when things don't I thank god I pray to him that tomorrow things will remain the same too. I want to be with you, but you don't. All you know is ask me not to rush things. How to? When I feel that your feelings are fading day by day. By the time O levels' over, how much your feelings are left? Is there even a chance for us to get back together? Why do you always have to push me away? Why do you have to treat me this way. I changed i did things to make up for what I did in the past but it seems useless, you still treat me the same way, your feelings for me didn change too, still remain so little. You'r so harsh your words and actions never fails to hurt me so bad. Remember when I cried and told you that I feel you don't love me anymore? I thought you would assure me that that's not the case but instead you did what I didn expect at all. You totally ignored me and left me crying there alone without any explainations. Even while I was crying begging you to explain things to me you just walked off leaving me outside the school alone. You even asked to take a seperate bus to school. Rememeber, when I told you to wait for me while I take my bag because I want to go home with you what did you do? You left for home yourself without even telling me. Even though I board the bus, I still went back and look for you but you always push me away. You never fail to. Be it holding your hands, or clinging on to you, you never fail to ask me stop that and take your hand away. Even if I'm crying badly, you never comfort me, instead you scolded me. Why is it that everytime I want to spend more time with you you'r always so reluctant but so willing when it comes to your friends? If you love me, don't you want to spend more time with me? If you love me, don't you not want to hurt me? Won't you treat me good? Won't you never fail to make me feel loved by your actions and words? I tried all I could, but it seems that nothing works. Cards, cookies, changed of character, changed of the way I treat you, none of it helps at all. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do now. Whenever there's a problem, you never explained fully to me you always walked away leaving me behind figuring out myself and I would always jump to a negative conclusion. I don't even know what exactly you'r thinking now, thinking about us, thinking about this r/s. How exactly you feel towards me. You never fail to raise your voice and get mad when I voice out my unhappiness, when I told you how I'm feeling. Everyday I was hoping you would treat me like how you did in the past, you make me feel so loved but never a day my hope came true. I love you alot, but whats the point? You don't even feel the same way...

Other than your sorry, don't you have anything else to say to me? I thought you would at least assured me with your words that what I'm thinking is totally wrong and that you don't feel the way I thought you were. But all you did was to say sorry even when I asked you. Really, it really shows how much your feelings are to me, what am I exactly to you.

Posted by ♥ Jolynn at: 8:22 PM